Reacting to the Reactions August 9, 2006
Posted by Snow Monkey in Adoption.trackback
Monkeyette ZGirl and I have received some interesting responses from people when we’ve told them about our decision to adopt from China. Here are my reactions to their reactions (not what I said to their face, but what I thought to myself).
You’re such good people. [See Monkeyette's ZGirl's blog for more on the situation in which we heard this comment.]
Thank you, but we’re not any nobler than people who take the biological path to parenthood (why exactly would we be, anyway?). We’re adopting because we want to be parents. That desire—and not charity—is the foundation on which we want to build a family.
That’s such a wonderful way of ministering. [Again, see Monkeyette's ZGirl's post for the story behind this reaction.]
We’re not out to save anyone’s soul—not ours, not the kid’s. Hell, I’m not even religious.
Have you thought about fostering a local kid?
You seem to be implying that we did not reflect on our decision to adopt and that you disapprove of that decision. Perhaps that’s not what you meant, however, so I will try to give you the benefit of the doubt.
Dude, you’re so lucky that you don’t have to go through having a pregnant wife. Man, it’s rough.
I appreciate your kind effort at 1950s-style male bonding.
[Edited to change "Monkeyette" to "ZGirl"; see the comments for an explanation.]
[...] UPDATE: I still want to write more about this topic at a later time, but in the meantime, check out Zguy’s (AKA Snow Monkey) post about it on his NEW and IMPROVED blog. [...]
Another thing you could say to the Dude guy is “Dude, at least your wife gets to be pregnant. Man, infertility is rough.” (Or at least that is what I would like to say to him).
This post brings up a point that I was going to make on zgirl’s (I just can’t say “Monkeyette”) post, too: which is–however much we want/need to analyze what’s going on in the wider culture that might inspire such comments–at the end of the day, we still have to come up with a response. And, in fact, a response will become increasingly necessary when our daughters join us. And since I prefer the snappy, witty, cut-you-to-the-bone sort of responses, I better get going now on coming up with some, as they rarely arrive on my tongue on the spot.
And on that other topic: Dude…I might have to rib you a bit about the “Monkeyette.” As in, “My Beautiful Monkeyette”? I dunno about this one. I keep having visions of the baton-twirling squad at my high school. The Lionettes. Hmmmmm.
Forgot to say I like the new blog-look. Especially love the way the hot-tubbing monkeys look splayed across the top. Way cool.
On responding to people’s adoption-related comments: So far, we’re so new at this that we’re often just surprised, not offended (except the fostering comment; that one did bug us). However, I do wonder what it will be like when people say these sorts of things in the presence of our child. And how does one respond in that situation? Tricky.
On the new look: Thanks! I’m inordinately proud of it, I will admit.
On “Monkeyette”: Yeah, I’m still not sure what I think of this one. Clever reference on “My Beautiful Monkeyette,” though the more direct inspiration was the blog Wonkette. On the old blog, it was Ms. Monkey, but I didn’t care for that one too much and neither did she (plus, we have different last names in the real world). She suggested Monkeygirl, but that’s no more enlightened than Monkeyette (a little easier to say, but it sounds…kind of dirty, too). Monkeywoman just sounds terrible. I suppose that I could call her ZGirl, but she doesn’t call me Snow Monkey on her blog…
Any ideas? I’m just grateful that I’m no longer “Mr. ZGirl” on her blog.
[Edited to add: ZGirl and I worked out a deal in which she will call me Snow Monkey on her blog and I will call her ZGirl on mine.]
Random thought: Why “Lionettes,” I wonder? If not “Lions,” why not “Lionesses?”
Good deal. Now I can relax about the whole name thing. (LOL about the Monkeygirl comment, though.) Of course, I haven’t solved the problem on my blog either. R. is just the initial of his real name, and I didn’t go with Mr. SBird because we have different last names in the real world too. But he just announced to me he’s creating his own blog. Not up-and-running yet, so he won’t disclose the name. I guarantee it’ll be something southwestern.
Why “Lionettes” over “Lionesses”? Hmmmmm…
(1) more diminutive than lionesses?…I won’t go into why anyone might want to envision a bunch of 17-year-old girls in Nancy Sinatra kick boots throwing and catching batons above their heads as diminutive…but, then, I was in the marching band, so what do I know?
(2) more squad-sounding than lionesses? As in, the “ettes” clicks off the tongue like a military marching cadence? There WAS marching involved.
(3) did I spell diminutive right?
I am chuckling away – since my screenname has been Monkeyhead since 1993, and since both of my daughters were adopted from China, I feel like I’ve found family here!
I found your blogs when I googled “adoption talk” – I am working on my MA in Communication, and some aspect of adoption communication will be the focus of my thesis. I’m still working on narrowing it down. Suffice it to say that the comments you got and your responses, real or wished, are great to read.
Good luck with your adoption – I’ve been to China 7 times and love it more every time. I’ll try to remember to check back periodically and see where your future child is from. Mine are from Huazhou in the Guangdong Province and Feixi in the Anhui Province. They’re 11 and 8.5 now – I can’t believe how fast it’s already gone . . . .
Monkeyhead
Thanks, Monkeyhead. I would be interested to hear about your research. Very interested.