Our adoption dossier has been registered in China.

Huzzah!

Almost every day, ZGirl and I walk past a house that’s about a block away from our own.  A white couple lives there.  They seem like nice people; they say hello when we pass. The husband looks a lot like Anderson Cooper (to us, this is a good thing—we’ve been fond of Anderson Cooper since his days as host of The Mole).

Long before we started our own adoption process, we noticed that these neighbors have an Asian-American daughter.  Could it be that they adopted internationally?

Maybe.  Make that probably.  ZGirl and I can’t be certain, however, because we’ve never asked them.  We’ve been tempted, of course, but we’re reluctant to invade their privacy (do unto others…). 

If there were a secret sign that international adopters used to identify themselves to one another, then we would know.

Unless, of course, there is a sign and we have not learned it yet.

In an earlier post, I discussed some of the comments that ZGirl and I have received from people when we’ve told them that we’re in the process of adopting from China.  One of them was the question, “Have you thought about fostering a local kid?” Last night, I heard a variation on the same theme: “Have you thought about adopting an older child?”

I’m at something of a loss to understand why some people ask such questions after I have just told them what we decided to do.  Thus far, I’ve developed three theories:

1. Perhaps the questioners are curious about the subject, assume that we (as people in the process of adopting) are informed about such matters, and are trying to ask ”What do you think about [fill in the blank]?” If this is what’s going on, then the questions don’t bother me.

2. Then again, perhaps the questioners assume (consciously or unconsciously) that we’re uninformed about our options and are trying to do us a favor by bringing another alternative to our attention.  Put another way, maybe they are trying to ask, “Are you aware of the possibility of [fill in the blank]?”  I don’t know why they would think that we are so uninformed about our options, however.  Maybe they don’t know, either; maybe they’re not thinking that much about their questions.  If this is what’s going on, then I am touched by their concern but annoyed by their condescension (be it intentional or not).

3. A third possibility is that the questioners consciously or unconsciously disapprove of our decision and believe that we should have chosen another option (that is, the one mentioned in their question).  So perhaps they are trying to ask, “Why are you doing that when you should be [fill in the blank]?”  Or, to be even blunter, “Why are you adopting some foreign child when you should be [fill in the blank]?”  If this is what’s going on, then maybe they should go about [fill in the blank] themselves; alternatively, they can go [censored] themselves.

Any other theories?

As someone who is in the process of adopting, I’ve already heard many different opinions about the subject.  But what about the bigger picture? I was curious to see what polls tell us about Americans’ views on adoption.  So far, I’ve found two major national surveys on the topic that were conducted within the past five years by reputable organizations.

The first of these surveys is the 2002 National Adoption Attitudes Survey, sponsored by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute and conducted by Harris Interactive.  This was a follow-up to a similar survey conducted in 1997, so I wonder whether another one is in the works for 2007.  According to the report on the results (pdf), public opinion seems generally pro-adoption:

The National Adoption Attitudes Survey found that two-thirds of Americans have a favorable opinion about adoption, and two-thirds have a personal experience with adoption. Favorable opinions about adoption are prevalent among all social groups in the United States…Other indicators of strong support for adoption include:

• 78% of Americans think the country should be doing more to encourage adoption.
• 95% think that adoptive parents should receive the same maternity and paternity benefits from employers as biological parents.
• Three-fourths (75%) of Americans believe adoptive parents are very likely to love their adoptive children as much as children born to them.
• Over 80% think that parents get as much or more satisfaction from raising adoptive children as from raising biological children.
• Americans also have very positive opinions about adoptive parents. They are seen as lucky by 94% of Americans.

The survey included two questions about international adoption in particular.  Half of the respondents thought that international adoptions were “easier to complete than adoptions of children born in the U.S.,” versus 39% who didn’t think so [Hmm...I wonder how I would answer that question].  At the same time, almost half of the respondents (47%) thought that adopting internationally was “more likely to mean adopting a child with significant medical or emotional problems,” versus 40% who didn’t think so. 

The report details all sorts of other interesting findings—far too many to mention here.

The second survey is a 2006 poll sponsored by ABC News and Time magazine.  This one focused on adoption within the context of the foster care system.  The report (pdf) provides this summary of the findings:

The foster care system is broadly unnoticed in this country, and to the extent they think about it most Americans believe it’s doing an acceptable job. But there’s also substantial concern about the system – and broad support for improving it, even at significant cost.

About one in four respondents said that they would seriously consider becoming a foster parent or adopting a foster child.  The poll also found that the public was evenly split on allowing gay or lesbian couples to adopt children.  That’s a big shift from the early 1990s, when public opinion was against gay adoption by a 2-to-1 margin.

Looking at these polls, I wish that they had included more questions about international adoption; I would still like to know more about how the public views it. 

Monkeyette ZGirl and I have received some interesting responses from people when we’ve told them about our decision to adopt from China.  Here are my reactions to their reactions (not what I said to their face, but what I thought to myself).

You’re such good people. [See Monkeyette's ZGirl's blog for more on the situation in which we heard this comment.] 

Thank you, but we’re not any nobler than people who take the biological path to parenthood (why exactly would we be, anyway?).  We’re adopting because we want to be parents.  That desire—and not charity—is the foundation on which we want to build a family. 

That’s such a wonderful way of ministering. [Again, see Monkeyette's ZGirl's post for the story behind this reaction.] 

We’re not out to save anyone’s soul—not ours, not the kid’s.  Hell, I’m not even religious.

Have you thought about fostering a local kid?

You seem to be implying that we did not reflect on our decision to adopt and that you disapprove of that decision.  Perhaps that’s not what you meant, however, so I will try to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Dude, you’re so lucky that you don’t have to go through having a pregnant wife.  Man, it’s rough.

I appreciate your kind effort at 1950s-style male bonding.

[Edited to change "Monkeyette" to "ZGirl"; see the comments for an explanation.]

ZGirl pointed me to Lilypie, a website that provides baby-related signature tickers for online forums. Under most circumstances, I would simply recoil in toxic sugar shock from something so saccharine. Like Monkeyette, however, I’m a little weirded out by one of the tickers for adoption. I’ve created my own version of it (ZGirl offers her take, along with some additional commentary):

By way of explanation, the ladybug is a symbol for international (and, specifically, Chinese) adoption within the adoptive parent subculture. I decided to place my little ladybug in a cabbage patch—maybe she was found under a cabbage leaf!* At the same time, I also decided to give her critical thought and political consciousness. Isn’t she cute?

* Sarcasm.